I arrived in the traditional manner in a car with it’s front wheels about to fall off attempting to hide various incriminating smells. The sight was far from clearly signposted but this all added to the secretive nature of the event. It made you feel like you were someone special for knowing about it, let alone knowing where it was. All aided by the fact that it was set on the grounds of Kelburn Castle, the mercurial Viscount Dave’s palatial country abode. Set in the side of a hill leading down to the chilling Atlantic, fresh and green from the sprinkling of rain followed by rejuvenating sun. A welcome omission when we arrived at the gates were the Police who had been more than in evidence at the Eden Festival a month or so earlier. We suspected the Viscount’s dad of certain secret handshakes to ensure this was the case. It’s not what you know, etc.

    After pitching our tents we made an instant bee line for the pyramid stage where the excellent Twistettes could be heard belting out another storming set. However we missed this as delays ensued with the all too familiar booze search at the gate. This fashion for not being allowed to bring your own booze into festivals must be stopped! When you’re charging well in excess of a hundred quid a ticket how can you possibly begrudge someone stashing up on a wee carry oot before they hit the party. If they’re not careful festivals soon really will be only for the landed gentry to enjoy! Still, the security lapsed off considerably during the day so it wasn’t too bad. The first band we managed to catch in their entirety were the Girobabies and I have to say they were superb. Their unique mix of Streets style naturalistic rapping with the hedonistic indie ethos of the likes of the Libertines and some superb word play made for one of my gig highlights of the year and the best I had seen this particular band. A big shout out must also go to synth player Jess Aslan who was celebrating a year with the seminal Weedgie rap rockers.

    As the festival progressed a variety of acts passed my perusal. From the primitive comedy punk stylings of Victor Pope to the uber-technical funk explosion of Hiatus Kaiyot (I think this is what Nile Rodgers meant when he said “Too Funky”). All of it done with conviction and all of it, though not all strictly to my taste, done with skill. My only slight disappointment being a somewhat half-arsed set from Unkle’s James Lavelle. It just sounded like they were jamming! It was also nice to see along side the big names some local heroes like Sea Bass Kid and Callum Easter totally taking their sound to the next level. I predict big things for both these acts. The focus definitely seemed to be on music you could dance too but on the last night I was happily intrigued by a beautiful clarinet and synthesizer duo headlining the pyramid stage. There was also always room for the cerebral poetic delights on display at the waterfall.

Besides the music a mention must also be made for suicidal tightrope walkers, James Page’s mind boggling stone stacking and the excellent and eclectic range of food available. And all this is the tip of the iceberg for all the delights that awaited you in this labyrinthine setting. Giant playable drum machines anyone? If there’s one word I could use to describe the whole experience it’s a cheesy one but I couldn’t think of one more appropriate – magical. So get yourself down there next year for one of the most unique festivals in Scotland and if you can’t afford a ticket then get learning something trippy that no-one else does and I’m sure they’ll let you in. Psychic tiddly winks anyone? Practice makes perfect!

DIVINE’S KELBURN